Not quite a shut-out
The annual faculty-staff-student softball game ushers in spring at Kettering, and gives faculty a chance to gloat.
The annual faculty-staff-student softball game Thursday, May 5, was played under exceptional conditions. The temperature was 65 degrees and there wasn't a cloud in the sky. Most importantly, goose plugs did not liter the infield, which made fielding hot shots much more enjoyable than in previous years.
Last year, the faculty and staff team established an early lead and went on to a 14-1 victory over the student team. This year, the team had a more challenging opponent as the students fought hard the entire game. The faculty and staff team, under the dictatorship management style of Joe "Unreasonable" Roesner, won 13-9. Prior to this game, he impressed upon his team to eat, rest, take a few swings of the bat, eat more and take mental health days in preparation for this game. During the game, players had only three pitches for each plate appearance, thus forcing teams to make the most of their batting opportunities. More than a dozen fans watched the game and cheered on their teams.
The following faculty and staff were on the winning team:
Joe "Unreasonable" Roesner from the Library;
Brian "Jag" Joshua from Printing Services;
Gary "Extraneous Errors" Erwin from University Advancement;
Dan "I'm a Staffer" Stewart from the Thesis Office;
Ed "Computer Glitch" Burger from IT;
Mike "Simple Strike Out" Schaal from Student Affairs;
Judy "Hair Band" Vamossy from Purchasing;
Darren "The Big Hurt" Heartwell from Enrollment Management;
Phil "Lead Foot" Lavender from Enrollment Management;
Jack "Jaw' in" Stock from University Advancement;
Sheila "Line Drive" Adams from Enrollment Management;
Jason "Prima Donna" Premo from Enrollment Management;
Shari "Loads of" Luck from Enrollment Management; and
Paul "Pickin' Hot Shots" Pollard from Security.
When asked for his impression of this year's faculty andstaff squad, Joe "Unreasonable" Roesner scoffed, made a wet, gurgling sound in his throat, spat, then muttered, "I like to think of this event as an All-Star game but without the fan voting and the big money. My job is relatively easy, except for dealing with the egos, errors and lack of respect for one of the game's best managers. But I will be back next year, since I am like a grungy penny or a greasy dictator and not subject to the approval of owners, and I am undefeated!"
Currently, there is talk about a game with A-Section students, who arrive on campus in mid-July. More information on this potential game will follow.
Written by Gary J. Erwin